Realization

I haven't written in a while.  And that is because of law school.  I have come to many conclusions based on the life styles that I have chosen.  I am proud and saddened because some of my dreams will not come true, but I have new aspirations and desires that will fulfill other dreams that I have and can be the exit out of this struggle and into the "Good Life" where everyone calls me baby, like T-Payne says. But I have realized that I could never be in the lime light and hold a public government position.  I am too private of a person to want to expose myself to that type of scrutinizing.  So  bye bye Justice of the Supreme Court.  Furthermore, I have come to realize that not every boy wants me.  I found this one that was perfect for me.  But not what I think is perfect, but what I think is not perfect for me, in the sense that he is respectful, nice, and genuine.  Most of the guys I think are perfect for me are assholes.  But this one is different.  And I had a meeting with him today about working together on a project, but he seemed completely uninterested in me.  So new realization, not every boy likes me.  And that is hard for me to take because I am pretty and fit, and a decent woman.  But he just doesn't seem to like me in that way.  And now I am depressed and want to find an asshole again because well assholes like me.  But after being in a relationship for seven years, the assholes bore me, slutty sex with random strangers bore me and I want more out of life.  Maybe my aspirations are high, but that's what law school is for.  Where am I going with this.  Realization.  I have also realized that my goals of acquiring true white person wealth is to make it from them, so now my aim is to do private sector work and make as much money as I can so that I will have my own law firm one day to work for my clients, and create the wealth that only the 1% have.  Because the truth about life is simply that the 1% have always had most of the wealth, looking back at history, and just because the system changed, did not mean that the money changed as well.  People who are wealthy remain wealthy, and the people who want to become wealthy need to think like the wealthy.  And I have decided to no longer fight the struggle, but become a part of it, so that the next generations of my family become spoiled brats in Ibiza yachting with the stars and simply spending the hard earned money I slaved for.  But that is what wealth is all about and I am a creator of it.  If that makes any sense.  But in the mean time, I am going to go have a drink with the person I like and my friend because I have to pretend like my heart is not broken and I am better than this.  But yet here I am writing about this boy because I truly like him, and more than just a one night slutty stand.  All over the place, but cohesive because it is realizing a little truth about myself.  Good night.