Bad Religion.

I decided to buy Frank Ocean's album today because for the past four months I have been listening to his station on Pandora and I will continue to listen to it probably for another four months, at least.  I am currently on a "Pink Matter" loop, which is my favorite song.  But I named this post Bad Religion because that song is just as beautiful.  I have so many thoughts in my head and I can't really decipher them at the moment because I have yet to fully understand what is going on.  I'll start with a story.  It's about a boy that is leaving.  He is precious, but he is not willing to accept the obvious truth that this girl might just be perfect for him.  Now these two have completely different beliefs and their plans are essentially different.  One wants to be a wealthy attorney, and the other wants to provide assistance to those without means.  One is a progressive liberal, the other is a moderate libertarian.  One likes baseball, the other hates it.  I could go on about their differences, but the one thing they share is that they genuinely believe in everything that they do.  They are authentic.  Well at least I hope the boy is, but he is still evolving in my mind, so time will only tell.  But there is a problem.  They work together.  They are partners in the sense of providing services to people not as motivated, or maybe intimidated by what's surrounding them, and so they have made a plan to work together.  The problem with this is that they will be together a lot, but not in the capacity that they wish to be.  And because of this, it will only progress to something that will torture both of them, well at least the girl because she knows what she wants, and she can't have it.  So what is the girl to do?  The boy hooked up with another girl, I think, and it broke the girl's heart.  And then he is leaving for two months to a place where the poon is going to be everywhere.  And the girl is simply waiting....for nothing.  The thing is that he was more secure about what he wants he would see what the girl sees.  But someone pointed out to the girl today that he looks like he doesn't know what he wants and why would the girl continue to wait for someone that doesn't show he wants her.  And the girl said, "Because he is worth it."  But is she?  This is what makes my life complicated.  I try to figure out what this girl is going to do, but I end up realizing that she will continue living life and being happy, and doing the things that she loves to do, with the exception of having this boy in her life.  And so in "Bad Religion," my favorite line is, "It's a bad religion being in love with someone who can never love you."  Mind you this girl is not in love with the boy, but it hits her every time.  And not only for that boy, but for the love of her life that destroyed her, destroyed her love, and made her the person that she is today.  And now this girl is afraid when it comes t the idea of love.  And this boy doesn't know what he wants, and the ex-boy is just there trying to love someone that can never them.

My point of the story is simply that life is so unfair, and beautiful because it throws these curve balls that are just more reason to love the fact that feelings exist.  Furthermore, what I have come to realized is that I like someone romantically, and I thought that it could never happened.  And I also know that it hurts when I don't get to see him or I see him with another girl.  And I thank him for that because I am more alive than ever, and I know I can care again.

And as for Frank Ocean's album....it is a stunning masterpiece of music.  The album is fantastic, haunting, lively, beautiful, and heartbroken.  It is life in the purest sense of the word. 

Realization

I haven't written in a while.  And that is because of law school.  I have come to many conclusions based on the life styles that I have chosen.  I am proud and saddened because some of my dreams will not come true, but I have new aspirations and desires that will fulfill other dreams that I have and can be the exit out of this struggle and into the "Good Life" where everyone calls me baby, like T-Payne says. But I have realized that I could never be in the lime light and hold a public government position.  I am too private of a person to want to expose myself to that type of scrutinizing.  So  bye bye Justice of the Supreme Court.  Furthermore, I have come to realize that not every boy wants me.  I found this one that was perfect for me.  But not what I think is perfect, but what I think is not perfect for me, in the sense that he is respectful, nice, and genuine.  Most of the guys I think are perfect for me are assholes.  But this one is different.  And I had a meeting with him today about working together on a project, but he seemed completely uninterested in me.  So new realization, not every boy likes me.  And that is hard for me to take because I am pretty and fit, and a decent woman.  But he just doesn't seem to like me in that way.  And now I am depressed and want to find an asshole again because well assholes like me.  But after being in a relationship for seven years, the assholes bore me, slutty sex with random strangers bore me and I want more out of life.  Maybe my aspirations are high, but that's what law school is for.  Where am I going with this.  Realization.  I have also realized that my goals of acquiring true white person wealth is to make it from them, so now my aim is to do private sector work and make as much money as I can so that I will have my own law firm one day to work for my clients, and create the wealth that only the 1% have.  Because the truth about life is simply that the 1% have always had most of the wealth, looking back at history, and just because the system changed, did not mean that the money changed as well.  People who are wealthy remain wealthy, and the people who want to become wealthy need to think like the wealthy.  And I have decided to no longer fight the struggle, but become a part of it, so that the next generations of my family become spoiled brats in Ibiza yachting with the stars and simply spending the hard earned money I slaved for.  But that is what wealth is all about and I am a creator of it.  If that makes any sense.  But in the mean time, I am going to go have a drink with the person I like and my friend because I have to pretend like my heart is not broken and I am better than this.  But yet here I am writing about this boy because I truly like him, and more than just a one night slutty stand.  All over the place, but cohesive because it is realizing a little truth about myself.  Good night.