In the middle of law school...and I should be studying and working on my outlines, but I figured I take some time and show you that I am not dead, insane, or in jail.
Well, I have had an interesting couple of months where I have met a number of different people that have made me just more aware of myself. I don't think I am perfect, and not even close, but what I do seem to have is some grasp on what balance means in life. People don't believe the things that I do because they don't do them, and it is really sad to see that. I don't like to lie, and I am an awful liar, so I just do what I do and hope that it's the best choice for me. Where am I going with this...I don't know.
I can talk to you about the mundane life I have; my classes, which are interesting because of the teachers or the neat people I have met. But I will only talk about one person. This person has captivated me, like someone I knew before. But I know that I must stay away. I have gone through this pattern of behavior and know that what I want I can never truly have because no one will ever have me, and I want someone like me. So I am extremely attracted to the assholes, since I am in some sense a bitch, and I will always get hurt in the matters of love because I can't love anyone truly except myself. Yet I always get tangled in this web of intrigue because I love it. I am bored with the nice guy, always and fascinated with the out-of-ordinary experience. I guess Tom Leykis is correct in this aspect. But what is really interesting is that I do not know how this person feels about me. I can only assume that I am a little fascinating, but then again, I can be a complete bore to him. Yes, I said him. But in the end who really knows.
I wanted to write this down because I just needed to vent it out. There is no one that understands my dilemma and will probably never do because nobody is like me. They may have similar circumstances, but in the end, just in like in every fucking case I read, these circumstances as ALWAYS distinguishable. You just have to argue it correctly. So now I am just feeling hot, lonely, and frustrated. I don't always get what I want, and that really pisses me off. But what I do know is that I will get him, just like every other person I have gone after because in the end, all we really want is just a taste. Our curiosity leads us to a series of paths, and even if we head down the wrong direction, we always seem to know where we're going and find our way back to what we really want. So what do I want? I want to be free. And that means chaining myself to something so that I know I don't want it. And if I come across a path that will take me to what I want, well that will make things more balanced. And if it turns out to be shit, well I can always just run away and start over.
That's the great thing about life, and people; there are so many that one person is simply just not enough.
I don't know who's reading this, but hopefully you'll find some inspiration from it. Or realize what the hell is going on in my head. Toodles.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
America's Woes.
Since I consider this my way of sharing with the world, I wanted to share some things that just came to me.
I've been listening to The Tom Leykis Show and he's currently talking about the economy. He believes that after the elections, the economy will go down and unemployment will rise again. And that we need to prepare for the absolute worst. Tom Leykis was right when the real-estate bubble burst and the banks collapsed, so he will more than likely be right about this as well.
So what does that mean for the rest of us? This means that we must conserve and protect our assets as much as we can because we don't really know our future. I have always been a non-believer in the idea of corporations being the answer to all of our problems. This belief came when my dad was stabbed in the back by the company he once worked in for over 35 years. Out of nowhere they decided to move the factory to China and ay off all of its employees. I won't mention the company, but I will say that it was a precursor to what many companies would be doing and are currently doing now. It's happening in many industries. These companies that are "too big to fail" cut costs by downsizing their employment numbers and making their works take all of the grunt work that was left behind in order to continue making money for the individuals that actually don't do anything except make bad decisions and lose more money.
But this is also the way that it is because of the people. We the people of the United States, in order to try to form a more perfect union, have given these companies free reign to consume us all because we believed that they had out best interests at heart when in reality they were all fucking us in ass and taking our money. We let this happen, and for many reasons. We saw how much money they were making and we said to ourselves, "Hey, I can make that too! It's the American Dream!" We were also brainwashed by ALL media to believe that it's patriotic to buy McDonalds and subsidize the tobacco industry. And we all saw how easy it was for the Kardashians to become rich and famous by simply sitting on their fat-asses and watching the fattest one get fucked and pissed on by a black man, and having the mother sell the tape for profit and fame. We've become dependent on all of this and we are unwilling to actually work hard and become the country we were meant to be: great. We don't have enough people for the engineering, technological jobs and hire people from overseas. Why? Because we don't want to go to school. We are just so lazy. And we think we're the bet, which then makes us think that we have it all when we actually don't. We have stupid people everywhere, and I for one am sick and tired of hearing people complain. Complain about their jobs, complain about their marriages, complain about their fucking cars, complain about their fucking weight. Yet they do the same shit every fucking day. They don't change, and they don't see progress.
I know I am all over the place, but I am just done. I will work hard everyday so I won't end up like a fucking loser. I don't want to work for anyone except myself. I want to earn every fucking penny and be selfish for everything that I do. I believe that we can one day be the great country we were destined to be. It's all a simple matter of switching gears from taking taking taking to providing, contributing, and succeeding. Until that happens, we will continue to flush ourselves down the shitter.
I've been listening to The Tom Leykis Show and he's currently talking about the economy. He believes that after the elections, the economy will go down and unemployment will rise again. And that we need to prepare for the absolute worst. Tom Leykis was right when the real-estate bubble burst and the banks collapsed, so he will more than likely be right about this as well.
So what does that mean for the rest of us? This means that we must conserve and protect our assets as much as we can because we don't really know our future. I have always been a non-believer in the idea of corporations being the answer to all of our problems. This belief came when my dad was stabbed in the back by the company he once worked in for over 35 years. Out of nowhere they decided to move the factory to China and ay off all of its employees. I won't mention the company, but I will say that it was a precursor to what many companies would be doing and are currently doing now. It's happening in many industries. These companies that are "too big to fail" cut costs by downsizing their employment numbers and making their works take all of the grunt work that was left behind in order to continue making money for the individuals that actually don't do anything except make bad decisions and lose more money.
But this is also the way that it is because of the people. We the people of the United States, in order to try to form a more perfect union, have given these companies free reign to consume us all because we believed that they had out best interests at heart when in reality they were all fucking us in ass and taking our money. We let this happen, and for many reasons. We saw how much money they were making and we said to ourselves, "Hey, I can make that too! It's the American Dream!" We were also brainwashed by ALL media to believe that it's patriotic to buy McDonalds and subsidize the tobacco industry. And we all saw how easy it was for the Kardashians to become rich and famous by simply sitting on their fat-asses and watching the fattest one get fucked and pissed on by a black man, and having the mother sell the tape for profit and fame. We've become dependent on all of this and we are unwilling to actually work hard and become the country we were meant to be: great. We don't have enough people for the engineering, technological jobs and hire people from overseas. Why? Because we don't want to go to school. We are just so lazy. And we think we're the bet, which then makes us think that we have it all when we actually don't. We have stupid people everywhere, and I for one am sick and tired of hearing people complain. Complain about their jobs, complain about their marriages, complain about their fucking cars, complain about their fucking weight. Yet they do the same shit every fucking day. They don't change, and they don't see progress.
I know I am all over the place, but I am just done. I will work hard everyday so I won't end up like a fucking loser. I don't want to work for anyone except myself. I want to earn every fucking penny and be selfish for everything that I do. I believe that we can one day be the great country we were destined to be. It's all a simple matter of switching gears from taking taking taking to providing, contributing, and succeeding. Until that happens, we will continue to flush ourselves down the shitter.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
American Psycho.
I just finished watching American Psycho on HBO and I remembered just how absolutely ridiculous and brilliant this movie was.
The story is about a CEO named Patrick Bateman who's also a homicidal maniac. He's obsessed with his image to every distinct detail, including his physique, his hair, his nails, and even his business cards. He gets into all of the hot spots and is always seeking approval from his friends, so much so, that he goes out of his way to become other people in his group and make them look ridiculous. This image he holds so dearly is a facade for the inner killer he has inside. He dreams about killing, draws about it, and fantasizes about it, all while trying to suppress the urge to kill.
As the story progresses, he begins to lose control of the true person inside and starts going on a killing spree. He picks up models, prostitutes, friends (mostly girls), and even kills one of the people he associates with. While this is going on, his girlfriend is completely oblivious to the fact that she may get killed and a cop, who's on Patrick's trail, has no idea that he is sitting in front of the killer.
As he goes crazy, he starts to kill random strangers on the street, blows up two police cars, and goes back to his apartment where he calls his lawyer and confesses to the murders. He leaves his lawyer a message and then the next day meets with his lawyer. When he meets with his lawyer, Patrick almost attacks him because he tells Patrick that it was all joke and not to worry about it. All of the bodies that he hid in a rented apartment mysteriously disappear and he continues on with his life as a CEO and homicidal maniac.
This movie was based on a book from one of my favorite authors, Bret Easton Ellis. Ellis is known for writing extremely dark and twisted "white America" novels of the rich and glamorous. I don't know much about his inspiration, but in my opinion, he is spotlighting the sick and perverted things that the rich engage in and get away with because of their money, power, and influence. They are all a work of fiction, but speaking from a writer's perspective, everything that is fiction is somewhat inspired by real life (even the sci-fi!). I know I said a lot about what goes on in the movie, but I find it fascinating because of the normalcy that goes on in the movie with the depraved in light living the life of a rich man with no qualms, no real problems, and no consequences.
This is an extreme case, but let's look at it with a real life perspective. Those with the money do have complete control of the system because they can buy their way out. Those "too big to fail" corporations of banks, food, real estate and any other god-damned company have this ability to get away with so much because of the money they made at one point and the power they have gained from paying people off. Even though this film is about the 1980's, when it all began, it's still relevant even today because we are now seeing the equivalent of Patrick Bateman calling his lawyer and confessing to these hideous crimes, only to be bailed out by other powerful individuals and allow him to continue living his greedy, depraved, pathetic life consumed by taking.
I don't now if that was a political statement or me babbling on. But what I do remember clearly is in the movie Ronald Reagan is giving his speech on foreign affairs and the four guys are all calling his bullshit. But that's just an observation.
On another note, there's a little irony between this Christian Bale and the incident that happened for the Batman Rises movie. Just a small coincidence, I guess.
"I have all of the characteristics of a human being. Flesh,
blood, skin, hair, but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for
greed and disgust. Something horrible is
happening inside of me. And I don’t know
why. My nightly blood lust has flowed
into my days. I feel lethal, on the
verge of frenzy. I think my mask of
sanity is about to slip." - Patrick Bateman
Mexico.
So would you look at this... I just finished watching the soccer match that will take Mexico towards the gold medal. I have not been watching the Olympics. Normally I would be extremely excited because I love watching a few sports that are out of the ordinary. But this year I am just not that excited. I blame it on a number of factors, but I'll begin with the worst one. The fucking summer games are in London. I don't have a problem with London because I've never been there, but if it's raining more than 50% of the time, the idea of "summer" should be reevaluated for the next Olympics. A more tropical feel would make these times a little more festive. The second thing that bothers me is mother fucking NBC and the times they cover the events. I love watching live action sports and personally do not want to watch things that have already happened. Because of this, I have just been skipping all of the events and choosing to go to the gym instead. And the third thing are the athletes. I just don't know any of them and I never got a chance to get to know them before hand. Plus the advertising was completely awful. I didn't even know the Olympics were coming on when they did and the only way I knew is because it's the two year mark for the world cup (every two years I know there's an important event, wither Olympics or World Cup). So I am not in the best of spirits to watch the Olympics.
But some has changed and that was because of Mexico. I am a big soccer fan and my favorite team is always Mexican or has a Mexican in it. Their sub-21 team has been unstoppable during the Olympics and have actually dominated their sport for quite some time. Now they have a chance to win a gold medal, and although I'll be somewhat of a hypocrite saying I'm excited, I am not because anything that has the Mexican soccer team winning is always exciting in my books. But this is something to be excited for because Mexico just performs so awfully in the Olympics that this is the one chance they may have at winning a gold medal, and to do it with the most popular, greatest sport out there would just be amazing.
I tried looking for highlights, but nothing, so I'll just post the national anthem.
But some has changed and that was because of Mexico. I am a big soccer fan and my favorite team is always Mexican or has a Mexican in it. Their sub-21 team has been unstoppable during the Olympics and have actually dominated their sport for quite some time. Now they have a chance to win a gold medal, and although I'll be somewhat of a hypocrite saying I'm excited, I am not because anything that has the Mexican soccer team winning is always exciting in my books. But this is something to be excited for because Mexico just performs so awfully in the Olympics that this is the one chance they may have at winning a gold medal, and to do it with the most popular, greatest sport out there would just be amazing.
I tried looking for highlights, but nothing, so I'll just post the national anthem.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Dreams.
I had a really crazy dream last night. I would say it was divided into three sections.
The first one I was in a run-down hotel in Las Vegas (side note: why do we sometimes just know where we're at?). I was with a lot of family members walking around and we got back to the hotel room.
When we and got back to the hotel room, it became glitzy and glamorous. I was wearing this black dress walking around with my cousin going towards my sister. We found her in another casino literally across town, so we started walking back. We going through a series of staircases, and we got towards the roof of a building, but apparently it was a walkway, so my cousin and I walked through, and some random guy comes behind of me and makes me touch his penis. He was wearing jeans, and as I touched it, I jumped. When this occurred I just kind of wet myself (I think it was pee) and wet the dress. So I ran back to the hotel room, which then turned into me laying on the bed.
The girls were getting ready to go out. My sister was being extremely obnoxious, and so I was not really interested in going. My cousin convinces me to go out, but I warned her that if she talks to me, I was going to kill my sister. So then she says something to me and I ignore her completely.
Before you know it, I am sitting in the front yard of my house. I am still mad at my sister, but I wouldn't talk to her or help her. So she starts moving her car towards a boat that she wants to connect the car to. As she moves her car, she starts to push the boat and continues pushing. I am staring at her not paying attention but also not speaking to her. She continues pushing until she slams the boat into this van, that looks like our old neighbor's van, and smashes in the bumper. Then the boat turns and she's backing up sideways, and she hits the car on the opposite side, leaving it with the front bumper coming off and the side rammed in. I run to go see the second car because I wanted to see the damage, as I am looking, she rams her car into a third vehicle, leaving it completely totaled, mirrors and windows broken, tires flattened. As I continue to look, my sister is in the middle of three cars and my aunt is to the side telling my sister that she couldn't wait to tell my mother, who's going to kill her. She continues to be bat-shit freaked out. I go to her and I tell her, "Call the insurance. It will be taken care of. Don't worry about mom." At that point all the cars are fixed and the third one (totaled one) is gone.
Then I wake up.
I could interpret this dream with a lot of interesting shit that has been going on with life. But I came to the conclusion that I just really need to start school.
The first one I was in a run-down hotel in Las Vegas (side note: why do we sometimes just know where we're at?). I was with a lot of family members walking around and we got back to the hotel room.
When we and got back to the hotel room, it became glitzy and glamorous. I was wearing this black dress walking around with my cousin going towards my sister. We found her in another casino literally across town, so we started walking back. We going through a series of staircases, and we got towards the roof of a building, but apparently it was a walkway, so my cousin and I walked through, and some random guy comes behind of me and makes me touch his penis. He was wearing jeans, and as I touched it, I jumped. When this occurred I just kind of wet myself (I think it was pee) and wet the dress. So I ran back to the hotel room, which then turned into me laying on the bed.
The girls were getting ready to go out. My sister was being extremely obnoxious, and so I was not really interested in going. My cousin convinces me to go out, but I warned her that if she talks to me, I was going to kill my sister. So then she says something to me and I ignore her completely.
Before you know it, I am sitting in the front yard of my house. I am still mad at my sister, but I wouldn't talk to her or help her. So she starts moving her car towards a boat that she wants to connect the car to. As she moves her car, she starts to push the boat and continues pushing. I am staring at her not paying attention but also not speaking to her. She continues pushing until she slams the boat into this van, that looks like our old neighbor's van, and smashes in the bumper. Then the boat turns and she's backing up sideways, and she hits the car on the opposite side, leaving it with the front bumper coming off and the side rammed in. I run to go see the second car because I wanted to see the damage, as I am looking, she rams her car into a third vehicle, leaving it completely totaled, mirrors and windows broken, tires flattened. As I continue to look, my sister is in the middle of three cars and my aunt is to the side telling my sister that she couldn't wait to tell my mother, who's going to kill her. She continues to be bat-shit freaked out. I go to her and I tell her, "Call the insurance. It will be taken care of. Don't worry about mom." At that point all the cars are fixed and the third one (totaled one) is gone.
Then I wake up.
I could interpret this dream with a lot of interesting shit that has been going on with life. But I came to the conclusion that I just really need to start school.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Netflix: Lost.
I just wrote an entrance monologue that got deleted by my computer. I was saying how much I hate tv and love my computer, but not so much at the moment.
Well I hate the tv. I do enjoy many shows, but they come out once a week. During the times when my favorite show is not on, it's all reality tv or re-runs, with bleeps because of the FCC. I fucking hate the FCC. So I've invested in a subscription to Netflix. It gives you so many options, including tv shows and movies. I am currently watching the entire Lost series.
I watched Lost when it was on the network tv, but I never watched it from the beginning. When it ended there was a lot of brouhaha over the ending because so many questions were not answered. I watched the first episode and it instantly connected to me that they were dead from the very beginning, and everything that happened did so because anything can happened at any point. It was an interpretation of death, and this is just another example of shit that we don't know.
I think once I get my hear wrapped around the concept, I may be able to give you a perspective. But Lost is on, and I am watching the entire series from beginning to end in hopes of finding out more information that I missed when I first watched it. I also would prefer to watch this shit than the Olympics. I really hate that I can't watch them in the morning. NBC is full of shit.
As of right now, I would recommend Lost. It won't be the only thing I watch and I hope to share with you some of the great movies that have a home on Netflix. Shit you have not hear of that might be of interest to you.
Well I hate the tv. I do enjoy many shows, but they come out once a week. During the times when my favorite show is not on, it's all reality tv or re-runs, with bleeps because of the FCC. I fucking hate the FCC. So I've invested in a subscription to Netflix. It gives you so many options, including tv shows and movies. I am currently watching the entire Lost series.
I watched Lost when it was on the network tv, but I never watched it from the beginning. When it ended there was a lot of brouhaha over the ending because so many questions were not answered. I watched the first episode and it instantly connected to me that they were dead from the very beginning, and everything that happened did so because anything can happened at any point. It was an interpretation of death, and this is just another example of shit that we don't know.
I think once I get my hear wrapped around the concept, I may be able to give you a perspective. But Lost is on, and I am watching the entire series from beginning to end in hopes of finding out more information that I missed when I first watched it. I also would prefer to watch this shit than the Olympics. I really hate that I can't watch them in the morning. NBC is full of shit.
As of right now, I would recommend Lost. It won't be the only thing I watch and I hope to share with you some of the great movies that have a home on Netflix. Shit you have not hear of that might be of interest to you.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
MTV Nominees.
The MTV Video Music Award nominees came out today. I am not that excited. I remember a time when I would get all amped up about the MTV Awards because it was so different from all the other awards. Now I don't even think MTV has the right to give out awards for videos because they just don't play music videos anymore. In fact, MTV should give out awards for the best fights (Teen Mom), the best statutory rapes (16 and Pregnant), and the best crotches getting hit (Ridiculousness). I say You Tube start making an awards ceremony because in all fairness, they're the only ones showing videos nowadays.
But anyways, here are the nominees.
Video of the Year
Drake f/ Rihanna - Take Care
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
M.I.A. - Bad Girls
Rihanna - We Found Love
Best Female Video
Beyoncé - Love on Top
Katy Perry - Part of Me
Nicki Minaj - Starships
Rihanna - We Found Love
Selena Gomez & The Scene - Love You Like a Love Song
Best Male Video
Chris Brown - Turn Up the Music
Drake f/ Rihanna - Take Care
Frank Ocean - Swim Good
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend
Usher - Climax
Best Hip-Hop Video
Childish Gambino - Heartbeat
Drake f/ Lil Wayne - HYFR
Kanye West f/ Pusha T, Big Sean, and 2 Chainz - Mercy
Nicki Minaj f/ 2 Chainz - Beez in the Trap
The Throne - Paris
So there you go. The top songs played on the radio are also nominated for the best videos. It's all corporations now. It's the only way they're going to grab on to your money for another 5-10 years before they become completely obsolete. So in the meantime, keep listening to the radio, watch your non-video tv and pay for the music that is just not as good as it once was. The playing field will be leveled and all of these artists will actually have to work a little harder to take the money out of our pockets. And I do exclude Kanye West because there is really very little he can do to make me boycott him (PS: he's doing it right now).
Here are the videos for video of the year. Now you tell me if there are better videos or not.
Rihanna- We found Love (Yes, let's glorify an abusive relationship because it is just as great as how you're making it out to be Rihanna).
Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know (One of the best videos and songs of the year. Thank Buddha I don't know him anymore)
Katy Perry - Wide Awake ( I don't like Katy Perry and her intro is horrible.)
M.I.A. - Bad Girls (Always interesting, always different. But she's a little chunky, so I can't take her too seriously).
Drake ft/Rihanna - Take Care (Like the song, hate the video and don't really like the artists performing it).
Now looking at all of these videos, there's a lot of color, a lot of heartbreak, and a lot of bad stuff. This is what MTV glorifies. This is the contribution they give to the world. Thank you MTV.
But anyways, here are the nominees.
Video of the Year
Drake f/ Rihanna - Take Care
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
M.I.A. - Bad Girls
Rihanna - We Found Love
Best Female Video
Beyoncé - Love on Top
Katy Perry - Part of Me
Nicki Minaj - Starships
Rihanna - We Found Love
Selena Gomez & The Scene - Love You Like a Love Song
Best Male Video
Chris Brown - Turn Up the Music
Drake f/ Rihanna - Take Care
Frank Ocean - Swim Good
Justin Bieber - Boyfriend
Usher - Climax
Best Hip-Hop Video
Childish Gambino - Heartbeat
Drake f/ Lil Wayne - HYFR
Kanye West f/ Pusha T, Big Sean, and 2 Chainz - Mercy
Nicki Minaj f/ 2 Chainz - Beez in the Trap
The Throne - Paris
So there you go. The top songs played on the radio are also nominated for the best videos. It's all corporations now. It's the only way they're going to grab on to your money for another 5-10 years before they become completely obsolete. So in the meantime, keep listening to the radio, watch your non-video tv and pay for the music that is just not as good as it once was. The playing field will be leveled and all of these artists will actually have to work a little harder to take the money out of our pockets. And I do exclude Kanye West because there is really very little he can do to make me boycott him (PS: he's doing it right now).
Here are the videos for video of the year. Now you tell me if there are better videos or not.
Rihanna- We found Love (Yes, let's glorify an abusive relationship because it is just as great as how you're making it out to be Rihanna).
Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know (One of the best videos and songs of the year. Thank Buddha I don't know him anymore)
Katy Perry - Wide Awake ( I don't like Katy Perry and her intro is horrible.)
M.I.A. - Bad Girls (Always interesting, always different. But she's a little chunky, so I can't take her too seriously).
Drake ft/Rihanna - Take Care (Like the song, hate the video and don't really like the artists performing it).
Now looking at all of these videos, there's a lot of color, a lot of heartbreak, and a lot of bad stuff. This is what MTV glorifies. This is the contribution they give to the world. Thank you MTV.
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