Love.

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl that fell in love at first sight.  They spent a good two years completely infatuated with each other in all aspects.  They both believed they had found their soul mate.  Marriage plans were set after the girl graduated from college and they would spend the rest of their lives together pitying all of the other people that had not found love.

At the beginning of their third year, the boy got mad at the girl and pushed her.  The girl got upset and pushed him back.  He got upset even more, dropped her to the floor and began to choke her because he was really upset.  The girl was shocked.  How can her love do such a thing!  Well he blamed her for it; he told her that if she hadn't gotten him upset and pushed him, he would not have gone so far as to choke her.  She believe him stupidly, and continued to love him unconditionally.  The next time, he slapped her after she told him to take out the trash.  It was her fault again because she knew his temper and no way in hell would he let some bitch tell him what to do.  But stupidly again, she accepted him back into her life.  Another time he grabbed her, threw her to the ground, and pushed his knee against her chest.  He told her that if he wanted to, he could kill her then and there.  What did the girl do?  She moved in with him.  She loved him so much that she chose to accept the person she fell in love with her, with all his faults, all his troubles, and all of his bullshit.  The next time, he sexually assaulted her to show her that he was in charge and she was worth nothing to him.  She stayed.  The next time, he slapped her, pushed her, and kicked out in the streets of Hollywood Blvd at 3am.  She came back after he begged her to.  Why?  Because she was stupid.  The next time?  He used a golf club and left a bruise the size of a baseball.  What did she do?  She moved to Honduras with the man because she was completely in love with this man.  While in Honduras, nothing changed.  He took out a knife one time and told her to leave the house, in the middle of the night.  He slapped her, pushed her, hit her, grabbed her, and treated her like shit.  But she continued to stay for another four years before she returned to her mom and dad.  Two weeks after returning, the boy called her and told that he no longer wanted to be with her.  A month later, he called her and told her that he had found someone else and that was the reason he wanted to leave.  Three months later, he came crawling back for forgiveness.  The girl had had enough and told him never to call her, never to contact her, never to think about her again.

This girl is me.  I have had a lot of bad experiences happen to me.  I am fundamentally a different person because I do not trust anyone with myself.  And I don't really regret any of it.  I had a hard dose of reality happen to me at an early age and I hope that my experiences can help others that are going through the same bullshit.  I was a victim of domestic violence, but I was also a perpetrator.  I stayed with this person for seven years.  I should have left after the first sign, but I chose to accept this behavior in hopes that one day the "love of my life" would change.  But it never happened, and I accepted it.  I was so convinced that this person was for me, that I didn't want to leave because I love them.  And the truth is that my parents stayed together through the good and bad, and I thought that was what I was supposed to, so I did. 

I have now come to the realization that our times have changed; both men and women's roles in society have changed.  I don't need to tolerate any bullshit, violence or harm from anyone and I can choose to accept it or to leave it.  I can guarantee that it will not happen again, but what I say is that the past is the past and now is a new beginning.  I am alone, and I am happier than ever.  We live in a society where women can make their own living, and love is a commodity.  So we have to know that we don't need it, and it really doesn't exist in the way we've been taught.  Love costs money, costs, freedom, and sometimes it can cost our lives.  Is it worth it?  I don't think so.